How feeling not good enough is in the very water!

Posted by Gay McKinley on July 29, 2016 . 0 Comments

I have a friend who swims whatever the season, whatever the weather and he shared this story with me.

He was doing his final lap of a 2.5k swim and was powering down the lane (as he does!) and before he knew it he was passing someone on the inside which is a no-no in swimming etiquette (which he never usually does).

He got to the end of the lane and the lady he passed said very nicely, "I thought you were supposed to pass on the right." He said very nicely (because he was completely out of breath, a bit exhausted and in the wrong), "Yes, I know and I'm sorry.  It was my fault.  I didn't see you until it was too late and so I just had to keep going. I'm very sorry."

She said in a resigned way. "Yes, I am usually invisible." "No," said my friend, "it was my fault."

Even sadder she replied, "I'm invisible to everybody.  People never see me", and she swam off.

Said my friend to me, "Holy moly, this lady thought she wasn't even good enough to be seen by other people!"

How many of us I wonder feel 'invisible'?  So 'not good enough' to not be seen.  How many of us ask the question, "How are you?" and aren't really interested in the answer?  If someone is already not feeling good enough, this can be an affirmation that they're right. 

And unless we ask, we really have no idea if someone is feeling good enough in a particular moment or not.  We have no idea if someone is feeling chronically not good enough as perhaps the woman in the pool whose experience is that no-one every sees her.

Because people scrub up very well.  A good question to ask might be, "Do you feel as good as you look?"

This feeling of not being good enough might be so ubiquitous, it feels to me like it's in the very water.


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